Felt like an arse after being so vulgar but then again you triggered me first! Now I don't know if I should apologise or just leave it. This sucks. :(

HellLO!

hey peeps!
am blogging again cos i'm too bored atm. haha!
nthn much to do right now but not anymore from tom onwards! he he!
i've made plans to pack up my schedule up till the end of november! he he!
oh yes, i'm working! yes, i am! haha! No JOKE! ekeke!
i don't know what made me do that tho' maybe i wouldn't even last thru first week but we'll see, we'll see~
*fingers crossed*
wish me luck peeps!

Allisan :)

not so perfect after all.:*

there is so much in life that i have to put up with sometimes i just wished that it wasn't mine.
if only we were given a chance to choose the type of lives we wish to live in but then again who wouldn't want so? everyone could have said the same thing and that the problems they endure wouldn't even exist.
though so i must say i still love my life so far as i have lived as there is nothing much still that i would have to worry about. so much so i could say that i am pretty well blessed with everything i need and much more.
then again, it is the other thing in it that i still find time understanding. the problem that have bugged me pretty much as long as i have realised the root of vanity. the fact that i am never good enough. ever. especially, for her.
it saddens me whenever the same speech given tons of years ago and has forever been since so, keep repeating itself before me.
that same speech has been locked in tighter than the lyrics of my favorite song. i hated my reflection since. tried really hard to make myself look good so i could impress her for a bit but she never really cared. only when she thinks that for the day i looked good i am spared off the haunting speech. but when a certain flaw surface itself i am being thrown a million haunting questions that answers she could never except. she always has this insulting mechanism built-in. i am human ain't i? but why must i be different? why couldn't she understand that i face problems normal human faces and the most that i need off her is her understanding, love and respect.
i feel so pressured and that i am never good enough. i try so hard to do well but the results never mattered. who am i trying impress but myself anyways. i strive to do well because i hope that i would be respected and taken-in rather than being looked down, especially by them. but it never mattered. i felt like i am such a useless addition here i should never have been... i guess i really don't deserve love at all for who i am. for the fact that you'll never deserve love unless you love yourself first and i never really did love me. i hate me. not the life i am in but literally, me me.
at least god have been really good to me by sending really great friends as gifts. i am happy and grateful to say the people i meet have been really really nice and friendly. at least i feel that whenever i need someone to talk to or spend time with, i have them. at least they wouldn't be so harsh on me and i could just spread my hands and ask for a hug.
i am so sorry i have been talking trash for so long. i hope you don't get judgemental or anything. i don't mean to create any misunderstandings. i don't know. maybe it is the night. maybe it is me. anyhows im sorry.
goodnight everyone.
i hope the dreams are sweet and the day is good for you. :)

owh tonight is a good night~ yeah tonight is a good good night :)

i guess i got a great lullaby tonight

i know the dream is gonna be sweet

but tomorrow is gonna be another day

awaken and

everything will be back to normal.

i cried on my way back a while ago~

but i couldn't really let it all out because i don't wanna get caught up with an accident upon doing so

haha! funny!

it really is hard to let go once u thought u've really found the one

and it is harder once you know things ain't gonna work out after all~

especially when you know the reason behind it all

u felt so torn in between the decisions u're about to make

yes, i know i said i wanna let go

but doing so requires alot of effort and determination

i am afraid i don't possess an enough amount of both to win the battle

what should i do?

i know i should let go~

everyone says so

i did too myself

but i can't

i even thought of having "us" just for a day

so silly of me!

what am i thinking?

i know it is hard for you and i don't want it to be

i am sorry that i am so emotional about it but i just don't understand why i feel so much its weird

i know i need help~

but the thing is~ i don't think anyone else could help me!

worst is~ it is impossible to obtain a hand from you either~

i really tried~

but it is very hard for me to really let go~

just hearing yr name itself strikes me straight at the center of my heart

and i had to laugh and joke about it at the same time

用微笑来掩盖着垂泪的心跳
我到底做对了吗？

i just wished that one day i would really get over you

but today just ain't it.

我今天又看见你了~

可是~ 今天比那天还要好~

虽然看见你那时真的让我彻底的心乱如麻~

可是~ 从你的一举一动我却看的出我们已经开始避开对方了~

一切我所体验过的都已经倍冲淡了~

我真的很想念以前的我们~

那么的好玩~

那么的甜蜜~

这总感觉是每人能了解的~

我真的很希望能够再次和你认识过~

真真的认识过一次~

也许这样会对彼此好一点~

产生的误会也许会比较少吧~

可能这是我单方的想法吧~

也许我对你一点重要性都没有吧 :|